A slow progress

It has been one week and one day since my surgery and my grandma, my parents, and my husband tell me I am doing really well. I am having trouble, I have my good days and my bad days and I feel like I am doing good and then I feel like I am doing bad. I am able to walk around pretty good with my walker and walk iffy without it, I can shower almost by myself; I only need a little bit of help washing my back and my incisions, I can also get myself in and out of bed and go to the bathroom by myself. I am a very independent person naturally, so I have a desire to get back to my independence! It is hard for me to ask for help, even though I know that I need it.

The last couple nights I have had trouble with my sleep. I have had some really bad leg pains, not just in the right leg but also in my left leg. The right leg is going to take me a while to get complete control back because that is the side that the surgeon went in on and the nerves were moved around and that large muscle was moved as well. Since the nerves and that muscle were moved around, the site around the incision and down into my thigh and my side are partly numb. I am having trouble moving that leg and walking on it, but I am trying. My left leg hurts from my fibro so that has nothing to do with the surgery, at least I don't think it does!

So far I guess when I look at the big picture, where God has put me and what could have happened, I am doing pretty good! I am so thankful for what God has allowed to happen in my life :) Although this week has not been the easiest so far, it has been a teaching week for me and Jon. God is teaching us how to be a couple while being apart, which is not easy! Thank heaven for technology! WE have talked several times a day, and he bought me an IPad yesterday! So we got to face time from the IPad to my IPhone! It was neat! I am excited about getting to play with it this weekend!

First Hospital Stay & Major Surgery

This week has been the first time I have had an major surgery. I must say, I was VERY scared! God was good as always and he provided as always and took care of me as always!

Sunday afternoon we traveled to Anna, Tx. to spend the evening with my grandparents since my surgery was early in the morning on Monday. I did not get any sleep that night, partly because I was afraid that I was going to oversleep my alarm, and partly because I was anxious about the operation! When the alarm went off at 3:30 a.am I shut mine off an snoozed Jon's. I eventually got up at 3:50 and decided I would wash my face and brush my teeth and get dressed. By time I was done with that Jon was awake and getting dressed. I was ready to spend some time in prayer and read my Bible before I went and got cut open! After all that, We loaded up the car and headed to the hospital.

Once we found the hospital and got me registered I called my mom. My mom prayed with me and talked with me to calm me down, I was very nervous, and told me she loved me and hung up. By then it was almost time for us to go up to the day surgery area and get situated to get ready for the surgery. Once we were in the holding room, and I had gotten changed, and into the bed and under the nice warm blanket, it was freezing in there!, I did some praying of my own in my head!Jon and I talked and hung out and waited until my grandma got there and then we hung with here. My grandma's pastor came by around 7 that morning and talked with me and prayed with all of us. It was so nice of him to come! After my iv was in and my blood was drawn, we waited some more. The doctor had an emergency so we had to wait on that. He finally came in and talked with me and very shortly after that the nurses came by and said they were ready for me.

It was around 9:15 or so when they rolled my bed out of holding and I told Jon I loved him. I watched the halls pass as we went to the OR, and when we got to the OR all I remember is the doctors and the equipment and them putting me on the table and that was all. Then I remember waking up in recovery and being completely confused and didn't know where I was! I couldn't talk because my throat hurt and I was saying things but the words were not coming out! Then I saw a nurse and it hit me where I was and what was going on! I was trying to ask for water but the words wouldn't come out, but fortunately the nurse understood me! I remember being very shaky and almost felt like I was having a panic attack and them having to give me something for it. Then around 1 p.m I remember looking at the clock and being in my room, and there were a bunch of people working on the tv, apparently the dvd player was not working!, and then I was in and out all day.

The days after that are very clear for me, but I know that I was in some serious pain! I did not want to move, or get out of the bed. the second day the therapist tried to sit me up and it made me so dizzy and sick that he had to lay me back down! I eventually was able to get up and move. and walk with help or a walker. I have very little strength in my legs. I also have very little balance right now. The doctor has me doing rehab for a couple weeks. I must say that my bladder is having a hard time recovering from the catheter! LOL I am not doing as well as the doctors would have liked, which is why I need to stay in Texas with my grandma for a while to do rehab. I am, however doing better than I thought I would be doing! I am able to do some things on my own, but of course there are things that are going to be hard considering I just had major back surgery! Praise the Lord that I am not paralyzed or anything worse!

Some neat things that did happen is that I did get to ride home from the hospital in a wheelchair transport! It was pretty neat! And I did get some Beautiful flowers! I also got a coloring book

a word finder book from the hospital! Also my grandma's pastor came to visit again after my surgery!

It has been such a blessing to have all the phone calls, texts and Facebook posts from my friends and family. I am truly blessed! Thank you to all! I especially want to thank my Husband, parents and my grandparents! They have been such rocks throughout this week and will be through the next coming weeks! It will be hard not being with my husband these next couple weeks during my rehab but being at my grandma's house will allow him and my parents to come visit! I love you all and thank you all for the prayers and please keep them coming!!

Getting prepared!

This week I have been focused on cleaning, cleaning, and more cleaning!!! I have never been more tired of cleaning in my life!!!! I wanted my house to be completely spotless before I left for surgery so that my husband didn't have to do it! But boy is it exhausting! Although it is nice to come home to a nice clean feeling and a clean smell! In two days I have manged to almost clean my entire house! Yay me!

I also have had to finish my class work for a certification program that I started last year! I am almost done with that, I have finished my sewing projects, and still managed to function! Wow, only with God's help is all I can say! All I need to finish now is take my final for my class, go to the grocery store and clean my bathroom! pack my bags and I am ready for this next adventure God has prepared! It is so nice to know that I have a God that is taking care of me! He is providing in ways that are unimaginable to me! Now all I have to do is make it through the next five days, which are going to be tough!, and the Lord will make my back better!

I just don't understand..maybe that is the point

Have you ever felt that you just don't understand why things are going a certain way, and that it seems like it could be going better? Well that is how I am feeling lately... I know we have a lot of good things about to happen for us and I know they are REALLY good things but at the same time there are all these little things that creep up that I feel could go better. Like today for example, I woke up with a sore throat and a runny nose, well if I get sick before this surgery they will have to postpone it. Which may not sound bad to some people, but that is not good for me! I feel like this couldn't have happened at a worse time! I have been doing everything in my power to fight it off today but atlas, its in God's hands not mine. You see, that is the hard part to swallow! The fact that it is in His hands an not mine! The fact that I don't control what happens! Maybe God wants me to not understand, maybe he wants me to just fall apart and say "OK fine, I get it!" Maybe He wants us to know that he has a hold us of at every given moment in our lives! Yes, things are not going exactly as I would like, but they are going as God would like them to!

Pondering

Lately I have had so many things going on that I feel like I have been going non stop trying to get everything accomplished! I have been pondering all these things going on around me, things going on in my life, things going on inside me that I have no control over. I have a very large tendency to worry about things way more than I should. My husband has given me the title of "Worry Wort" :) Which it is sadly true! I do worry, I don't do well with not knowing what is coming my way! With this surgery only a week away and my husbands cross training months away, the unknown is not for from me! I don't like the unknown! I am scared of it, and that fear sometimes turns to frustration because I can't control what is coming.

In my pondering's I have found many things out about myself, things that have come to light recently. I have been very angry at the world. Angry for reasons that make no sense to anyone but me. The thing with anger is that it can drive people away, which can cause fear. Fear that my anger will drive the people I live away. I know that my emotions are in hyper-drive!!!! I was told by my pastor and his wife that chronic pain can go hand in hand with anger, which if you think about it kind makes sense. (maybe to me because I live it! ;) )

My anger isn't a fit of rage, or a type that will hurt anyone. It is more a anger at the pain, the body that I feel is giving out on me. I tend to lash out with my words to whomever is nearest to me. My husband has been taking the brunt of it and I feel horrible about it! I am working with someone to talk through it and praying really hard that God can help me get through this emotional roller coaster.

As I sit here and write this I think about what matters in life, and to be honest what matters the most is what we do for God. But tonight we went and saw the new movie Act of Valor. It has real active Navy Seals in it. It was powerful. It brought me to tears. As a military wife, and family member it brings me back to reality. Our Military gives so much for our country. We should support them, show them we care, pray for them, and most of all, lead them to Jesus. When I watch a military funeral on TV it always makes me cry. Mostly because I know that most military men and women may not be saved, and it strikes close to home too.

When I think about all these things going on, and then I think about my husband, and friends. The people that are going through so much more than me, it all seems pretty insignificant.

Where there is a WILL there is a WAY!

The title of the sermon tonight was "Where there is a Will, there is a Way." That got me thinking of how true that is in my life! I have always been what most people call stubborn, or hard headed. I don't consider myself either one. I see myself as a fighter, independent, self-sufficient. That is also what my parents would call the "Bass Blood" coming out in me! I like to do thing on my own, I have never been the type of person to come out and admit that I need help with something. I will be the first person that jumps to help someone else though, but when it comes to my needs, well let's just say..."I got it!" Here lately with all this pain I have been in it has been such a struggle for me to be the independent person that I am. I have had to depend on my husband and my family, and yes sometimes my co-workers for help. It's hard for me to step back and say I can't do it all on my own anymore. Having people tell me to let them know if there is anything they can do for us when we get home from the hospital is something that I have a hard time answering! I want to be dependent, I want us to be able to handle it on our own, but I know that we wont be able to, and that God has placed wonderful people in our lives for a reason!

The most amazing realization that I have had this week is that this dependency on people is almost over! The Lord is going to allow me to be myself again! I have fought my way through and made a way, I had the will power and the drive to make it and I did! I feel like I am almost at the end of the road on a long journey. The idea that I can be somewhat normal after this surgery is amazing to me! I think I have forgotten what normal is. I guess I will find out soon ;)

Another realization I have had is that Where There was God's WILL, God made a WAY! Praise The LORD! God has provided for us in ways that are beyond our expectations!

When we finally gave up on our will and gave in to His will, things began to happen! It's so exciting to see the power if God at work all around us! I only hope that people can look at us and see that the best thing anyone can do in life is give up on your own plan and your own will, and give in to God's plan and God's will. You will see wonders that will amaze you!

God Working!

Isn't it amazing to sit back and watch God work! I have been told many times in my life that I need to just let go and sit back and let God take care of things, let Him answer my prayers. The past several weeks has been so awesome! It has been one after the other! We got the call about Jon being able to retrain (huge answer!) and then yesterday at the surgeons office we got another answer!

When the surgeon walked in and looked at my MRI he said "Well the good news is, we can fix this." I was just in utter shock! He was completely ready to operate and fix my disc, without any hesitation to my age! I was so happy I couldn't think of the questions I wanted to ask or anything! It took me several seconds to pull myself back together and realize that it was not a dream! This is real, this is what I have been hoping for! Relief from this prison of pain! After he explained everything and we asked all our questions and he left to get the nurse to schedule the surgery, I put my hands over my face and just wanted to weep. Jon looked at me and said "Don't cry! this is good!" I told him that I was so happy I just wanted to cry. I am so happy that finally someone can see that I have exhausted every option and that I need relief. I am happy that some one is willing to do something about it!

So I am scheduled to have the surgery on March the 6th, in three weeks! I have a lot to get done in three weeks! I need to make sure my husband is ready to take care of the house and cook until I am back up on my feet. I need to finish my homework and get this certification course done by then! finish making my pillow I am working on, and hopefully finish my friends pants. If they come in on time. It is going to be a crazy chaotic three weeks! But I know that my Great God is supplying my every need, and all I had to do was turn it over to Him! What an amazing couple weeks it has been just watching God work in our lives!