The power of music

Some people say that music has no power, but I have to disagree. I believe that music has some of the most power in our lives. It has the power to affect our mood,touch our hearts, inspire us, change our minds, makes us fall in love, and so many other things. More than anything else, music has the power to speak to us spiritually. God speaks to his people in many ways and I know that music is one of the most powerful ways. Worship services at church are all about music and that is when God stirs my heart most often. Not just in church, but it can be in the car too!

Last night at church we had our fifth Sunday singing service. Every single song fit together like one giant puzzle. Even though I sang during the service, I still felt like God had me there just so I could here those songs. The songs fit together with the struggles that I am going through and how that God is my provider. He is my anchor, my light, He is the Potter. I was reminder that In Christ alone is my strength, that he makes beautiful things out of me, that His blessings come through raindrops, and I should bless his name through every single struggle I come through! Song after song I had to hold back the flood of tears that wanted to come out because God was touching me in a way that I needed more than ever. At the end of the service all I could do was say, "Thank you Lord!" because I did need that reminder that He is working, and I am not going through this alone.

Resting

Resting, something that I have always struggled with. There is such a small difference in resting and sleeping. My sleeping habits have never been consistent, well I wont say never. Just not in a long time. Here lately since my husband has been on swing shift I have been up later so I have been sleeping in late, which actually works to my advantage. My body sleeps better during the day anyway!! The point I am trying to make is that I have always struggled with finding the difference between getting the rest I need and the sleep I need.

I have come to find that the real rest is in Christ. He gives me all the rejuvenation that I need! Of course my physical body is going to still need the rest and sleep, but in order to fight this illness and beat this struggle that I am in I am going to need the rest that Christ gives me. This journey has not been what I expected and there has definitely been bumps, but I know that the trials ahead will only bring me to the future God has planned for me. That future is far better and far more than I can ever dream of because I have a great God! So hear I am Resting in HIM, following his plan and guidance for my life and this journey that I am on.

Just Breathe

Sometimes I find myself so overwhelmed with the drama and stress of work, and dealing with my health and sometimes just life in general can get so chaotic that I have to tell myself that I need to just breathe. Breathe in and breathe out, just over and over again. Sometimes it works in relaxing me and sometimes it doesn't. The last several days, well actually weeks, have been quite tough for me. I have not felt well and can't figure it out and work has been tough ( I won't even go there!) so I can say that I feel like I have been pretty much just going through the motions lately. I have almost come out of the deep whole of "almost" depression, but I still have my days where I am sad and want to quit the battle that I fight every day within. On those days I have to say to myself "Katie, Just breathe, its going to be OK. You can do this. God has got this!" No, it doesn't take away all the sadness, nor does it by any means make me feel better but it does remind me that I have a big God that is on my side!

Today was one of those "Just Breathe" days. Several times I just had to breathe in and breathe out. It didn't make the day any less sucky but it did make me calmer. and it does remind me that God has control. No matter what happens at work, no matter what happens with the doctors, or no matter what happens to me, My GOD has control. That is my new focus this year, That God has CONTROL!!! So I need to just breathe and it will be OK!

A Rainbow of Promises :)

I saw a full Rainbow today for the first time today! I was so excited, It was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen! While I was standing outside the door of my work staring at this rainbow, I thought of all God's promises and that I am going to be ok! That beautiful Rainbow was in the sky at the exact moment I needed to see it! Thank you Lord! God has promised that I am not alone, that he has a plan, that he is in control, and that no matter what happens down the road in my life that He is going to be the one that I turn to and the one that can help me! God is good All the time!!! He gives us so many promises that He will keep!

My life in one sentence... "A Working Progress"

Well Let's just say that is has been a very long and exhausting day, and it's not done yet. Since my husband is working all night, he sleeps during the day which would not be so bad if I was not home during the day! But alas I am so any housework I want to get done must get done at night while he is at work. So my days are flip flopped! I rest and relax in the morning and clean at night!

I said all that to say this, while I was doing my dishes after cooking dinner I began to just let my mind wonder... which I must admit it does quite often :) I began to think about my life, and if someone was to ask me how would I describe my life in one sentence what would it be. Most people would have to really think on that one, not me. Instantly I thought to myself " A working progress" Yep, that's me alright... I am definitely in need of some work, not just physically, but emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. I know that God is continually working in all of our lives to make us who He wants us to be, but I believe that He is working in me to repair the damage that has been done over the years, not to make me who I was.. But to make me BETTER! Make me a vessel to be used by Him, for what purpose you may ask me? Well to be honest, I have no idea, but I do know this, God has a reason for everything He puts into our lives and I know that there is a reason why I have been through what I have and what I am going through now. A reason unknown to me, but not to God!

I got a text tonight from a friend that really brought the reality of the life that I live to me, not the medical part but the military aspect of my life, I know I may not have said it but my husband is in the military. At any day he could come home with a piece of paper that says we are moving to a new place, and that we need to adapt. It is not an easy life, but I chose it the moment I fell for him and I knew exactly what I was getting into. But I always seem to forget that when we make friends with people who are military that they live with that reality too. and when they have to leave and learn to adapt it hurts my heart to have to let them go. But I know that God has something great in store for them! I love them dearly and am going to miss them more than they know. But God has the whole picture and I don't, I only have my tiny little piece of the puzzle and its hard to see what the outcome will be. But that is where our Faith kicks in.

For those of you wondering, my glucose test went fine this morning.. it was top 5 worst experiences of my life! The test came back normal and so did the blood test so I am not Hypoglycemic. Most all the other lab test came back normal as well to, so basically I still don't know why I feel like crud most the time! But that is OK, because my God has the answer and in his time he will show me!

Taking it easy...

Its been a few days since I have put anything up here, and there has actually been many things on my mind but I guess I needed some time to sort through my thoughts. The hardest lesson I have been trying to learn in life is that I have no "real" control over anything, God does. So when I am feeling bad and I can't seem to find the answers or the doctors are not helping, or it seems that way, I get frustrated and nothing goes the right way. Well I am learning to do thing s differently. I am going to call it "taking it easy" which means that I am no longer going to worry about what the answers are or when the will come, because I trust that my God is going to give me the answers when He is ready for me to hear them! It is hard to just sit back and take a moment and just let the answers come to me, it has never been my strongest area! But God knows my weaknesses and my strengths and He know what I can handle and what I can't!

So tonight I have to fast for my glucose test in the morning and it is kinda freaking me out a little, but I am telling myself that God is in control, he has me in his hands! I am all by myself since Jon is on the night shift and has to work till 7 am :( but my fears are being put in the hands of my Savior and I am trusting in Him! He will protect me and keep me safe through the night!

So I am going to read my Bible and relax with the TV and then head to bed and hopefully I will get some sleep!

Hope

This little book was given to me from my pastors wife yesterday. It gave me such a smile when I opened it up and read the note she wrote me and the read the first chapter! It is filled with encouraging quotes and scriptures all about HOPE! WOW! Boy did I need that more than ever, and I love how my God works through other people!

"Every experience God gives us, every person he brings into our lives, is the perfect preparation for the future that only he can see." ~ Corrie Ten Boom

What a perfect quote for me to read straight out of the book that was just given to me! It is amazing how God begins to move when we surrender and give him the reigns! I am so in awe sometimes of how much he is working around me to bring me to the place I need to be. Hope Is what I long for, hope that this pain won't last forever, hope that I can get this blood sugar under control, hope that my future has children in it, hope that this is not end for me! God has a plan, and I will do what I takes to follow that plan and live my life accordingly!

Tomorrow morning is my appointment for the doctors to hopefully figure out what is going on with my blood sugar levels, so here is to a good nights sleep and steady sugar levels! I know that my God will supply ALL, not some, of my needs! Until next time!!

If You Want Me To

I have had this song on my heart for a while. The lyrics speak so truly of my life, I am not who I was when I first began my journey of faith. God never promised that we would have it easy in this life, But he did promise that we didn't have to do it alone! Isn't that the best thing any Christian can ask for? I know that I can't make it to the finish line on my own, I get weak and tired and I need my God to sustain me. When I looked this song up on the internet I thought of a friend that is on bedrest because of some complications with her pregnancy, and another friend who just had he baby early, and yet another friend who also had her baby early. There are many people that I know that I walking through the "fire" and I hope that they read this blog and listen to this song and God encourages their heart, as it encourages mine. This song gives me the push I need sometimes to keep going, even when I feel like there is nothing left in me, I can pray and know that I am not alone and God is going to pull me through the "fire."

Trust in the Lord

Psalm 7:1

O LORD my God, in the do I put my trust: save me from all them that persecute me, and deliver me:

Just last night on our way home from some friends Jon and I were talking about this video that we were shown. It was a parody of worship songs of how Christians only give Christ some and not ALL, and how we are more focused on us and our lives here on earth than what we were put on this Earth to do, serve our LORD and Saviour! I looked at my husband and said, "now, I am giving Him everything. I am so lost I cant do this on my own." Then he open the reading for Sunday while I was taking my bath last night and he read Psalm 7:1. And talk about a God moment! Just two weeks ago I felt like all hope was gone, that I was going to fall off this emotional cliff and be lost forever (figuratively speaking) then I decided I needed someone to talk to. So I found that someone and she has helped guide me back from the ledge. Without her prayers and guidance, I think I might be lost. So Thank you. As I lay here on my couch I just think about all God has shown me this weekend, and I am amazed. The things that I have uncovered with His guidance and the help of my mom and dad have been so enlightening!

So what I am trying to say is this, Trusting is no easy task! It doesn't come over night, it comes with prayer and prayer and lots more prayer. I am no where near where I need to be, but God knows I am trying and He is providing!

Whatever You're Doing.....

It's time for healing time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time to make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
And all I can do is surrender

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something Heavenly

(Whatever You're Doing By Sanctus Real)

Chaos is definitely the word I would use to describe how I feel on the inside, or maybe just a huge jumbled mess. My emotions are getting the best of me and I feel like I am losing control...But somewhere in the midst of it all I am finding peace, peace from my Savior that is guiding my life and taking me somewhere better than this. Today My blood sugar dropped dangerously low and I was on the phone with my mom and she was encouraging me and telling me that God always has a plan for what happens in our lives. She is completely right. If I would have gone that that appointment in Texas this weekend I would not have had the encouragement nor the knowledge of my sugar going to low. I am learning to give God my all, and not some but ALL! He is the only one with the answer to why I feel bad and the only physician who can heal me! I am so thankful he put the people in my life that have helped me this week! I feel like I have made strides toward being happy again and not just sad, so to all my friends who have talked to me, I say THANK YOU! I LOVE YOU ALL!!!

A reminder of what is to come....

The last several weeks I have been so tired that I just cant seem to keep my eyes open at times. I have been falling asleep while driving, in church, at work and it just seems like my body is shutting down when that happens. On Wednesday I talked to my mom at church about it and she decided that she would drive me home that night. Well on the way home she was telling me that when she was first trying to control her blood sugar that when it got to low she had the same experience that I am having. She told me that I should monitor my sugar levels for a while and see if they were low and if that was causing my fatigue. She gave me one of her extra monitor things and I have been keeping track of it since Thursday night. It has been considerably low for me, and has not been consistent. So I have been trying to keep it level and keep myself on my feet, but it has not been easy. I have been so tired that the slightest thing makes me exhausted. But needles to say that I am trying and that I know God has a reason for what He does!

But today I was reminded of what I had with my friends and my life where I was once happy. I saw an old friend today while I was at the commissary. It was so good to see Whitney and her husband and their adorable little baby girl, Baileigh! I have missed seeing them and seeing them! It was encouraging to hear that Whitney was reading my little blog that I try to write every night, made me realize that I do have friends that still care and love me! And I am more determined now to push through this and make it to the light at the end of the what seems like an endless tunnel!!!

So I want to say thank you to Whitney and Phil for that reminder of what is to come when I get through this!

The Little things can make you smile

I have been in such a "Funk" lately that I thought all hope of anything making me truly smile was gone; until today. This morning when I was doing my devotions and prayer time I prayed that God would help me find a way to make me smile and truly be happy. That I could slowly find my way out of this what seems like darkness that I have been in. So When I got off work today I went to check the mail like I do every day and I saw a card addressed to us in a kids handwriting. When I looked closer I saw that it was from our nieces. They had simply wrote us a letter that said they loved us. That was all. And the Smile and almost tears that it brings to my face makes me know that there is hope for me and that God is working. Satan has no hold over me! Not when I get on my knees before my God! I am so thankful that he could use my little nieces to make me feel better! So I want to say thank you to them, thank you for loving us as your aunt and uncle! Thank you for thinking about us! and we miss all three of you so much!

A Faith that saves!

"Have mercy upon me, O LORD; for I am weak: O LORD, heal me; for my bones are vexed,My soul is also sore vexed: but thou, O LORD, how long? Return, O LORD, deliver my soul: oh save me for thy mercies' sake." Psalm 6:2-4

Grace:a manifestation of favor, especially by a superior

God's grace is infinite, and ever flowing. I was told today by someone close that We as Christians need to have the kind of faith that is intangible. In other words, knowing that his grace will sustain us through our day, week, month, and year. It is easy to have tangible faith, something we can see, but the intangible is where we mostly all probably struggle. I know I do. I struggle with the part of knowing that God's grace and mercy is sufficient to hold me up and keep me going to the end. 2012 is the year that is going to change. I am praying for the kind of faith in the intangible not just the tangible. I need to know that God's grace and mercy are going to sustain me. God is the one with the answers, I need to dig deeper into his word to find them! That is what I learned about myself today, I learned that I have issues with the intangible faith... So my prayer is not only for that but also for others around me to have it to. Just think of what a difference it would make in the world if we all that had down! If well all cold master the intangible faith! What a world that would be!!! I am glad I have a faith that can save me from the darkness that is trying to fight for my life! I am glad that I have God's mercy to help me fight Satan to get my life back and get it on track!!

A weight that needs to be lifted...Day # 8

"Pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our consciences, but shouts in our pains. It is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world."

C.S. Lewis

Pain is something that every human experiences, some more than others and some longer than others. Pain comes in many forms~ Physical, emotional, mental, and even sometimes there can be a spiritual pain when you are fighting against the devil. But I feel as though I have all of the above forms of pain, and I have tried for so many years to fight and to overcome that I have somehow lost myself in the process. I have felt myself slip away to where I dont know who I am any more. My worst fear through all of these trials the last 8 years has that I would lose myself and fall into a place that I dont want to be. I fear that I am going to that place. I need to find myself again, I need to see the person that I am shine through he sadness and pain of this physical body.

So I am trying to do something that can get me out of the house and into the world and away from my own mind. so tonight I made Gluten free Low sugar Chocolate chip cookies (which are amazing!) and I forced myself to get up and do laundry and clean up the house some today. I am so thankful that I have my family and my friends to help me through these times in my life where I feel lost and helpless. But I know that God has a plan and a purpose for everything He allows to happen to me. I try to remind myself of this every day. To let myself know that I am not alone in this and that I have hope in then end of this tunnel.

I know this week is going to be a hard week for me and a very long one and I hope that we can get some answers from the doctor on Friday. And I will get to spend some time with my grandparents this weekend which will be encouraging for me. So I am off to spend some much needed time in God's word.

Learning a new way to budget.....Day# 6

One of the main things that doctors will tell any patient that is newly diagnosed with fibromyalgia is that fatigue is somthing that you will have to learn to manage. Well, when I decided that I was gonna take back my life this year I began to do some research on fibro. One of the things I learned that has been I think one of the hardest to learn to do is "budget" my energy. Because with me, I don't have any energy during the day, well let me rephrase that, I have some energy but not very much. So it is very important that I decide what is important and what is less important...and so forth. Well for me it's tough, finding that balance that is just right to where when I get home I am not so exhausted and hurting so much that I just want to lay down and do nothing the rest of the day.

Well today was one of those days where my "budgeting" skills were lacking. I had an early doctors appointment so I had to get up and go to that and my appointment ran long so I raced home, changed clothes and went straight to work. And I do believe that in doing that and so quickly I might add, that I used alot of energy and then at work I was working all three lanes of the drive thru by myself. Which I honestly don't know why I did not close one!! who knows, I guess I just was not paying attention.... But after all that I was exhausted, and hurting so home bound I was at 2. And couch ridden I have been since then...

But on the bright side I was able to eat some sense of fast food tonight. My husband wanted to grab some quick food and there is not many places that I can go eat! But I then remembered that chick-Fil-A could grill their chicken strips and I can eat those! needless to say I was excited! So I had some amazing grilled chicken strips for dinner! And of course I had to eat a few waffle fries, how could I not! They are amazing!!!

So Now that It is 10:30 p.m and I have work early in the morning I think I am now going to go take my daily Epson salt bath and go to sleep, or at least try to! Good night all!!!

Day #5

Well...Not much more to say than what I posted about my Starbucks earlier. Except that I am feeling ok today. Not great But not horrible either. I have managed to cook dinner every night this week which I am very proud of myself! So I hope you have a good night!

They joys in life

There are some the simple things in life that just make your day better! Starbucks is one those things! I went to the doctor to this morning and after my extremely fast visit I decided I wanted Starbucks.

Since my new lifestyle, I mean diet, change I thought that I could not have Starbucks any more! I thought life was over!!!! But then one night my mom took me shopping and enlightened me that I could have it made decaf and Skinny (sugar free!) I was ecstatic!

So today when I get to Starbucks I found I order my Peppermint Mocha, Decaf, skinny and no whip. I get my drink and when I go to sip it, my face just twists! I knew that it was so not Decaf!!! I asked the lady if she made it decaf and she said "No." I promptly asked her to remake it! I had to laugh at my self! I can now tell the difference between decaf and caffeine! I found it funny that when you take yourself off certain things that over a certain period that you can find the difference!

A Good Day! ~ Day #4

So for those of you who know me, you know that I am a major
Oreo Fan!! Love them like no other!!! So when the doctor told me no sugar that was the first that that crossed my mind..."I can't have Oreo's..." I was suddenly saddened by that fact. Well today I went to Wal-mart and found me some sugar-free Oreos!! Oh My how it made my day a little bit brighter! It is the little things in life that can make realize that I can do this!

So now that I am done telling you about my love of Oreos, my day was pretty good! Well...Minus work, which never seems to be good these day! After work I went and met

my best friend Elizabeth for some lunch and much needed catch up time before she heads of to school for her last semester before her graduation. It was so good to see her!! I have really missed her these past couple years!

After my little lunch date I headed off to Wal-mart (where I found my oreos!) to get some mirrors for a little home artsy project! I had some old candle holders and some sand and seashells and wanted to make a centerpiece!

So I would say That I have had a really good day! I have budgeted my energy well today and I have not had to much pain and I have done fairly well on my diet! so here is to a good day and hopefully many many more!!!

Oh and P.S. I Loved the Oreos! cant even Tell they are Sugar Free!!!!! LOL :) And I am praying tomorrow is a good day too!

The Well~ By Casting Crowns

My mom brought this song to me the other day and I listened to it and fell in love with it instantly. I am already A Casting Crowns fan but this song speaks to me in ways that other songs cant. When I hear this song I am reminded that during all this craziness in life I can always go to the WELL! God's Well gives me life, love, laughter, and everything I need for this life! If you haven't heard the song, don't just read these lyrics- go right now to Google and find it and listen and it will surely speak to you like it did me!

Leave it all behind
Leave it all behind
Leave it all behind
Leave it all behind

[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricenter.com/e56459-casting_crowns~the_well_lyrics.html ]
I have what you need, but you keep on searching
I've done all the work, but you keep on working
When you're running on empty
And you can't find the remedy
Just come to the well
You can spend your whole life
Chasing what's missing
But that empty inside, it just ain't gonna listen
When nothing can satisfy
And the world leaves you high and dry
Just come to the well

And all who thirst will thirst no more
And all who search will find
What their souls long for
The world will try but it can never fill
So leave it all behind
And come to the well

So bring me your heart, no matter how broken
Just come as you are, when your last prayer is spoken
Just rest in my arms a while
You'll feel a change, my child
When you come to the well

And all who thirst will thirst no more
And all who search will find
What their souls long for
The world will try but it can never fill
So leave it all behind
And come to the well

The world will try but it can never fill
So leave it all behind

And now that you're full of love beyond measure
Your joy's gonna flow like a stream in the desert
Soon all the world will see
Living water is found in me
‘Cause you've come to the well

And all who thirst will thirst no more
And all who search will find
What their souls long for
The world will try but it can never fill
So leave it all behind
And come to the well
Leave it all behind
And come to the well

Leave it all behind
Leave it all behind
Leave it all behind
Leave it all behind

Your pursuit of perfection (leave it all behind)
Your fear of rejection (leave it all behind)
Your temporary pleasures (leave it all behind)
All your earthly treasures (leave it all behind)
Dried up empty religion (leave it all behind)
Rusty chains of addiction (leave it all behind)
All the guilt that weighs you down (leave it all behind)
Just leave it all behind and come to the well

Mush of a day~Day#3

Well today is what I think I am gonna start calling a mush of a day. It Started out pretty good and is ending pretty bad. I woke up around 9 this morning and decided to make some gluten free muffins (with real blue berries!) Even though they weren't that low in sugar, they were still pretty good. After my daily dose of Bible reading and prayer I started my day. Did some sewing and mostly rested. About one this afternoon I began to feel kinda yucky.which for me is no good. I went to work at around three today and still not feeling well. I thought that I could push through it.

An hour later, it was very busy and of course I had a headache and my entire body hurt and at the same time every single customer was getting on my nerves! I felt like I was being pushed over the edge of my emotional cliff. I excused myself and went to the bathroom and sat on the floor and prayed for strength and prayed that God would help the pain. Of course I could not help but let the tears flow. I was ruining my makeup!! was the first thing I thought! How can I go back out there with my face all messed up? but I did, and of course my boss walks over and asks how I am doing and hugs me and I lose it all over again! She asks If I can make it till closing and I look at her through my tears and shake my head no.

So hear I am at home on my couch writing this post, laying on my heating pad. I have taken my meds and am feeling a little better. I am truly blessed that God gave me a supportive husband who helped me with the things I couldnt do because of the pain and helped me get settled on the couch and comfy.

So I will say that today was not a triumph or a victory or a failure today was simply mush. I cant say that it was a set back because I don't feel as though it was. But I do feel like it was mush!! So now I am really glad dinner is in the crockpot and I can lay here for the rest of the night!!

The beginning Day #2

Well Its the second day of 2012 and I think that I have had a rocky start to this whole taking back my life thing! So let's see on Sunday, which was New Years, I awoke to the fact that I could not move and decided that church was just not going to happen. I was extremely sad about that by the way! I really did want to start my year right! In church worshiping my Lord! But instead I was stuck in my bed with my heating pad, which has become my really good friend! ;)I was able to read my daily reading from the Bible that day and spent some much needed time with God. But on the brighter side (A side I am learning to look at more often) I was able to get up and go have lunch with my parents at their house and go to my cousins birthday party. It wasn't a total waste of a day!

Now Today was completely different than yesterday! How crazy is it that Satan always attacks my body and I hurt more on God's day than any other day! Today I was able to sleep in with my hubby and make breakfast together this morning!! Well Actually it was more of a brunch LOL!

This Journey that I am on is not going to be an easy one this year, that is for sure! Things will be very different for me and my husband as we start to take my life back from the Fibromyalgia, the arthritis, and the back pain. But this one thing I do know~ God is with me, each and ever single step of the way. I have my Husband, who without I would be lost and have no hope. I have my family who supports me and loves me. I have my church family who prays for me and my friends who love and pray for me. So I know that I am not alone, and I have never been alone, never once in these 8 years have I ever had to go through any of this alone. God has truly blessed!

The main things that are going to change to begin with are my diet~ I am no longer allowed to eat the amount of sugar that I LOVE!!!!!!!! It has been HORRIBLE!!!! No Sweet Tea, Soda, Milk, or juices. I am also no longer allowed to eat anything with Gluten in it~ which means no, pasta, breads, crackers, cheez its :( or any type of bread product. This has been one of the toughest changes for me! Having to read the labels of everything I buy = more time in the grocery store! But with all the help and support and prayer I can do it!

We are starting our year with a clean house and clean minds and clean hearts! We are ready for whatever God has to teach us this year! we are ready to Grow in the Knowledge of God's grace!