Racing Minds....

You know that feeling that your mind is on a race car track going in circles at 90 miles a minute??? Yeah me too. Sometimes it is a good thing. For instance when you are writing a book. Then you can get all your ideas down before they vanish into the abyss of forgetfulness. Or when you have a lot of things to get done around the house or work. Then you can get things done in a timely manner. Usually, when my mind is making it's rounds around the track it's not a good time. 

Like for instance, when I am trying to sleep. Seriously, I am not joking. My mind can be completely normal paced all day and then when I lay down to sleep. BAM! It revs its engine and speeds around the track! Like tonight for example. It is 11:15 pm on a Sunday night. I have work in the morning and here I am blogging about how my mind won't shut up! 

So I am laying in bed, after I have read a little in my book to "calm" my mind, and wouldn't you know it, I can't stop thinking. Thinking about what I need to get done in the house, thinking about my plans for the week, for next week. thinking about my book I am writing, So naturally when I start thinking about my book and the direction I want it to go, I have to get up and work on it!  Yes, this is the curse of the writer. 

So would I rather be snoozing away in my nice comfy bed next to me husband? Why yes I would, but no I am sitting here on my couch with my blanket and laptop writing. Ah, the never ending story of my racing mind!

To Change a Life

     How does one change a life? Well the answer is actually an easy one, You can't... This question has been on my mind and heart recently. Honestly I have never wanted to change someones life, well not in a literal way. Here recently God has laid some people on my heart, and I feel as though I need to play a part in changing their lives... 

     When we got orders to come to Delaware I was unsure of the reason why. After much time with God I think I have found the answer. I want my life to be different, I want people to look at how I live and see that I have something that is amazing, Salvation. I will be the first to admit that I have not lived like this in the past, but God has laid this on my heart. I know that I must strive to be different. I must live like no one else so that I can show people Christs love. I have been trying to achieve this goal since we moved here to our new home. 
      I have had many blessings since we moved here; 1. I met a friend who asked me to be her spiritual mentor, 2. in her doing so, another girl we work with has seen the difference and wants to do the same, 3. God has blessed and put my arthritis in remission, 4. We have made awesome new friends at our church! These blessings have made me realize that God does here my prayers and that he can change not only my life but also through me the lives of others. What a joy these last few months have been to see all the things that God is doing! I only hope that He continues to do amazing things through my testimony, and that I can keep myself in check and be the best mentor to Jasmeen that I can be. Please pray for me during this year and also for Jasmeen and Jennifer! 

Come to The well

There is this song from Casting Crowns called "The Well' and i think of that song quite often. It reminds me that in times of struggle and times when you think all hoe is lost, that you can go to the well of Jesus and he will sustain you. He has never left me alone to deal with my issues, He is always there for me!

Leave it all behind, 
Leave it all behind, 
Leave it all behind, 
Leave it all behind, 

I have what you need, 
But you keep on searchin, 
I've done all the work, 
But you keep on workin, 
When you're runnin on empty, 
And you can't find the remedy, 
Just come to the well.

You can spend your whole life, 
Chasin what's missing, 
But that empty inside, 
It just ain't gonna listen.
When nothing can satisfy, 
And the world leaves you high and dry, 
Just come to the well

CHORUS:
And all who thirst will thirst no more, 
And all who search will find what their souls long for, 
The world will try, but it can never fill, 
So leave it all behind, and come to the well

So bring me your heart
No matter how broken, 
Just come as you are, 
When your last prayer is spoken, 
Just rest in my arms a while, 
You'll feel the change my child, 
When you come to the well

CHORUS:
And all who thirst will thirst no more, 
And all who search will find what their souls long for, 
The world will try, but it can never fill, 
So leave it all behind, and come to the well

Yeah
Leave it all behind

The world will try, but it can never fill... leave it all behind

And now that you're full, 
Of love beyond measure, 
Your joy's gonna flow, 
Like a stream in the desert, 
Soon all the world will see that living water is found in me, 
Cuz you came to the well

CHORUS:
And all who thirst will thirst no more, 
And all who search will find what their souls long for, 
The world will try, but it can never fill, 
So leave it all behind, and come to the well

Lazy Days

Every now and then everyone has those days when they want to be completely left alone, and be lazy. I mean the kind of lazy where you keep telling yourself that you should get up and do something; like fold the laundry sitting next to you or clean the bathrooms that are nasty. Well today was one of those days for me.... After work I was completely lazy. Come to think of it, I have had these kind of days more often than usual. I guess because, well I don't know why but it is what it is :) Needless to say that tomorrow I will NOT be lazy. I will cook dinner, I will clean the house and will NOT around on the couch watching Netflix.

Please keep me in your prayers though. I have had this cold I can not kill and my back has been sore/hurting. Prayers would be appreciated!! Well until next time!

The end...The beginning....

     2012 was a hard year for me, I set out at the beginning to take back my life from the pain I live in daily. Well I did not know or never imagined the struggles I would face. Nevertheless I am here, in one piece! I prayed that the Lord would take away some of this pain and give me a chance to live a "normal" life. He delivered, just like he always does! God is so good to me, even when I doubt him and when I think that He is not listening, He is there and always good!
     The first part of the year was hard and a struggle to find some relief from the back pain I was in, but God provided a wonderful surgeon who fixed my back! I was able to have the surgery and everything went so well! I am still in therapy but that is a given considering I had major back surgery ;) It has been amazing to see the difference it has made in my life. The things I can now do that nine months ago I was not able to.
     During my recovery We found out that Jon got accepted to retrain and was being sent to Tech School, very exciting since it was an answer to prayer! June the military packed up  our things and shipped them to our new home, DOVER, DE! We moved in with mom and dad and he went away to school. Two long months later he came back and we had two weeks to be at our new home! I was scared, most definitely, but I knew that this was what God had for us and I had to accept it. Even as hard as that was. We packed the cars and made the long drive to Dover.
      So here we are, three months into our new assignment. We have a new church family, new jobs, and new friends. But one thing still stays the same, I have the same GOD! I had to find all new doctors of course and go through that whole process, which believe me is no fun! Jon and I have been talking about starting a family for a while now, and some things always come up that stop us. Main things were my health, that has always been the deciding factor of when we have a family. We decided it was time, but my body doesn't agree ;) About a month ago I got on my knees and prayed to go that he would do something about my health, because I really wanted to have a baby. I knew that I couldn't have one with two illness and a recent back surgery. A week later I had my follow up visit with my Rhuematalogist  and comes to find out, my arthritis is in FULL REMISSION!!! A complete answer to my prayer! I knew then that my God really does hear me and listens to my desires!!!
      So I am so blessed to say that my journey to take back control of my life was a success, not a complete one, but a small step toward a bigger goal!!!! 2012 was not easy, but here is to 2013 and it being an amazing year for the Rectors!!!!!

Defining moments

Sometimes we all have those moments in life where we can look back and say that at that exact moment are life changed, or at that exact moment we made a decision that changed something in our lives. I can say that I have only had a few, but I can say that here recently I have had some defining moments as far as my health and my life go!

When we decided to go ahead with this surgery it was definitely a life changing decision. I had no idea how hard this recovery was going to be! I knew that it would take some time to get my strength back and time to walk again, but I never dreamed that it would be like this! This journey that I started this year has been hard, this leg of it has been the hardest by far!

Because of the healing process that needs to take place in my back I cant take my anti-inflammatory (aka: anti- swelling :) ) medicine for the arthritis for six months! I also cant take the other medication until 8 weeks after the surgery. So needless to say that the last five and a half weeks have been utter torture for me! The pain from my back may be better but I have pain in my legs that is almost unbearable! I have to ice my feet multiple times a day because they are so swollen. My legs and feet look like pregnant people feet!

On Monday it will be six weeks since my surgery and I am still having to use a walker/cane to get around because I have limited balance on my own and my legs hurt so badly! I am still in therapy trying to get full use of my own to legs and full strength back which absolutely kicking my butt! Things have just been rough around these parts! My defining moment was last week on Wednesday I was sitting in church and talking to my mom about shopping for matching outfits and I thought to myself that I did not want to have a walker when I did that! and that was it! My moment when I said I want to go to therapy and tell them to get me off that thing! So I did, and they put me on a cane and started me toward a goal. Goals are what drive us toward our future! Goals are what drive us to our defining moments!

I try not to complain but sometimes it just comes natural ;) I know that right now I am living on prayer and God's strength because I am just about out! I have been so blessed to have my amazing husband who has been doing all the housework and cooking and anything that I need done! I am also blessed to have my parents here, if not for my dad I would not get where I needed to go! We have been blessed with an awesome Church family who provided meals for a week or two and amazing friends! Without the support I don't know how we would be getting through this at all! So I want to say thank you to all of you who have helped us and have prayed for us and loved on us because we have needed every bit of it and we love you all!

A slow progress

It has been one week and one day since my surgery and my grandma, my parents, and my husband tell me I am doing really well. I am having trouble, I have my good days and my bad days and I feel like I am doing good and then I feel like I am doing bad. I am able to walk around pretty good with my walker and walk iffy without it, I can shower almost by myself; I only need a little bit of help washing my back and my incisions, I can also get myself in and out of bed and go to the bathroom by myself. I am a very independent person naturally, so I have a desire to get back to my independence! It is hard for me to ask for help, even though I know that I need it.

The last couple nights I have had trouble with my sleep. I have had some really bad leg pains, not just in the right leg but also in my left leg. The right leg is going to take me a while to get complete control back because that is the side that the surgeon went in on and the nerves were moved around and that large muscle was moved as well. Since the nerves and that muscle were moved around, the site around the incision and down into my thigh and my side are partly numb. I am having trouble moving that leg and walking on it, but I am trying. My left leg hurts from my fibro so that has nothing to do with the surgery, at least I don't think it does!

So far I guess when I look at the big picture, where God has put me and what could have happened, I am doing pretty good! I am so thankful for what God has allowed to happen in my life :) Although this week has not been the easiest so far, it has been a teaching week for me and Jon. God is teaching us how to be a couple while being apart, which is not easy! Thank heaven for technology! WE have talked several times a day, and he bought me an IPad yesterday! So we got to face time from the IPad to my IPhone! It was neat! I am excited about getting to play with it this weekend!

First Hospital Stay & Major Surgery

This week has been the first time I have had an major surgery. I must say, I was VERY scared! God was good as always and he provided as always and took care of me as always!

Sunday afternoon we traveled to Anna, Tx. to spend the evening with my grandparents since my surgery was early in the morning on Monday. I did not get any sleep that night, partly because I was afraid that I was going to oversleep my alarm, and partly because I was anxious about the operation! When the alarm went off at 3:30 a.am I shut mine off an snoozed Jon's. I eventually got up at 3:50 and decided I would wash my face and brush my teeth and get dressed. By time I was done with that Jon was awake and getting dressed. I was ready to spend some time in prayer and read my Bible before I went and got cut open! After all that, We loaded up the car and headed to the hospital.

Once we found the hospital and got me registered I called my mom. My mom prayed with me and talked with me to calm me down, I was very nervous, and told me she loved me and hung up. By then it was almost time for us to go up to the day surgery area and get situated to get ready for the surgery. Once we were in the holding room, and I had gotten changed, and into the bed and under the nice warm blanket, it was freezing in there!, I did some praying of my own in my head!Jon and I talked and hung out and waited until my grandma got there and then we hung with here. My grandma's pastor came by around 7 that morning and talked with me and prayed with all of us. It was so nice of him to come! After my iv was in and my blood was drawn, we waited some more. The doctor had an emergency so we had to wait on that. He finally came in and talked with me and very shortly after that the nurses came by and said they were ready for me.

It was around 9:15 or so when they rolled my bed out of holding and I told Jon I loved him. I watched the halls pass as we went to the OR, and when we got to the OR all I remember is the doctors and the equipment and them putting me on the table and that was all. Then I remember waking up in recovery and being completely confused and didn't know where I was! I couldn't talk because my throat hurt and I was saying things but the words were not coming out! Then I saw a nurse and it hit me where I was and what was going on! I was trying to ask for water but the words wouldn't come out, but fortunately the nurse understood me! I remember being very shaky and almost felt like I was having a panic attack and them having to give me something for it. Then around 1 p.m I remember looking at the clock and being in my room, and there were a bunch of people working on the tv, apparently the dvd player was not working!, and then I was in and out all day.

The days after that are very clear for me, but I know that I was in some serious pain! I did not want to move, or get out of the bed. the second day the therapist tried to sit me up and it made me so dizzy and sick that he had to lay me back down! I eventually was able to get up and move. and walk with help or a walker. I have very little strength in my legs. I also have very little balance right now. The doctor has me doing rehab for a couple weeks. I must say that my bladder is having a hard time recovering from the catheter! LOL I am not doing as well as the doctors would have liked, which is why I need to stay in Texas with my grandma for a while to do rehab. I am, however doing better than I thought I would be doing! I am able to do some things on my own, but of course there are things that are going to be hard considering I just had major back surgery! Praise the Lord that I am not paralyzed or anything worse!

Some neat things that did happen is that I did get to ride home from the hospital in a wheelchair transport! It was pretty neat! And I did get some Beautiful flowers! I also got a coloring book

a word finder book from the hospital! Also my grandma's pastor came to visit again after my surgery!

It has been such a blessing to have all the phone calls, texts and Facebook posts from my friends and family. I am truly blessed! Thank you to all! I especially want to thank my Husband, parents and my grandparents! They have been such rocks throughout this week and will be through the next coming weeks! It will be hard not being with my husband these next couple weeks during my rehab but being at my grandma's house will allow him and my parents to come visit! I love you all and thank you all for the prayers and please keep them coming!!

Getting prepared!

This week I have been focused on cleaning, cleaning, and more cleaning!!! I have never been more tired of cleaning in my life!!!! I wanted my house to be completely spotless before I left for surgery so that my husband didn't have to do it! But boy is it exhausting! Although it is nice to come home to a nice clean feeling and a clean smell! In two days I have manged to almost clean my entire house! Yay me!

I also have had to finish my class work for a certification program that I started last year! I am almost done with that, I have finished my sewing projects, and still managed to function! Wow, only with God's help is all I can say! All I need to finish now is take my final for my class, go to the grocery store and clean my bathroom! pack my bags and I am ready for this next adventure God has prepared! It is so nice to know that I have a God that is taking care of me! He is providing in ways that are unimaginable to me! Now all I have to do is make it through the next five days, which are going to be tough!, and the Lord will make my back better!

I just don't understand..maybe that is the point

Have you ever felt that you just don't understand why things are going a certain way, and that it seems like it could be going better? Well that is how I am feeling lately... I know we have a lot of good things about to happen for us and I know they are REALLY good things but at the same time there are all these little things that creep up that I feel could go better. Like today for example, I woke up with a sore throat and a runny nose, well if I get sick before this surgery they will have to postpone it. Which may not sound bad to some people, but that is not good for me! I feel like this couldn't have happened at a worse time! I have been doing everything in my power to fight it off today but atlas, its in God's hands not mine. You see, that is the hard part to swallow! The fact that it is in His hands an not mine! The fact that I don't control what happens! Maybe God wants me to not understand, maybe he wants me to just fall apart and say "OK fine, I get it!" Maybe He wants us to know that he has a hold us of at every given moment in our lives! Yes, things are not going exactly as I would like, but they are going as God would like them to!

Pondering

Lately I have had so many things going on that I feel like I have been going non stop trying to get everything accomplished! I have been pondering all these things going on around me, things going on in my life, things going on inside me that I have no control over. I have a very large tendency to worry about things way more than I should. My husband has given me the title of "Worry Wort" :) Which it is sadly true! I do worry, I don't do well with not knowing what is coming my way! With this surgery only a week away and my husbands cross training months away, the unknown is not for from me! I don't like the unknown! I am scared of it, and that fear sometimes turns to frustration because I can't control what is coming.

In my pondering's I have found many things out about myself, things that have come to light recently. I have been very angry at the world. Angry for reasons that make no sense to anyone but me. The thing with anger is that it can drive people away, which can cause fear. Fear that my anger will drive the people I live away. I know that my emotions are in hyper-drive!!!! I was told by my pastor and his wife that chronic pain can go hand in hand with anger, which if you think about it kind makes sense. (maybe to me because I live it! ;) )

My anger isn't a fit of rage, or a type that will hurt anyone. It is more a anger at the pain, the body that I feel is giving out on me. I tend to lash out with my words to whomever is nearest to me. My husband has been taking the brunt of it and I feel horrible about it! I am working with someone to talk through it and praying really hard that God can help me get through this emotional roller coaster.

As I sit here and write this I think about what matters in life, and to be honest what matters the most is what we do for God. But tonight we went and saw the new movie Act of Valor. It has real active Navy Seals in it. It was powerful. It brought me to tears. As a military wife, and family member it brings me back to reality. Our Military gives so much for our country. We should support them, show them we care, pray for them, and most of all, lead them to Jesus. When I watch a military funeral on TV it always makes me cry. Mostly because I know that most military men and women may not be saved, and it strikes close to home too.

When I think about all these things going on, and then I think about my husband, and friends. The people that are going through so much more than me, it all seems pretty insignificant.

Where there is a WILL there is a WAY!

The title of the sermon tonight was "Where there is a Will, there is a Way." That got me thinking of how true that is in my life! I have always been what most people call stubborn, or hard headed. I don't consider myself either one. I see myself as a fighter, independent, self-sufficient. That is also what my parents would call the "Bass Blood" coming out in me! I like to do thing on my own, I have never been the type of person to come out and admit that I need help with something. I will be the first person that jumps to help someone else though, but when it comes to my needs, well let's just say..."I got it!" Here lately with all this pain I have been in it has been such a struggle for me to be the independent person that I am. I have had to depend on my husband and my family, and yes sometimes my co-workers for help. It's hard for me to step back and say I can't do it all on my own anymore. Having people tell me to let them know if there is anything they can do for us when we get home from the hospital is something that I have a hard time answering! I want to be dependent, I want us to be able to handle it on our own, but I know that we wont be able to, and that God has placed wonderful people in our lives for a reason!

The most amazing realization that I have had this week is that this dependency on people is almost over! The Lord is going to allow me to be myself again! I have fought my way through and made a way, I had the will power and the drive to make it and I did! I feel like I am almost at the end of the road on a long journey. The idea that I can be somewhat normal after this surgery is amazing to me! I think I have forgotten what normal is. I guess I will find out soon ;)

Another realization I have had is that Where There was God's WILL, God made a WAY! Praise The LORD! God has provided for us in ways that are beyond our expectations!

When we finally gave up on our will and gave in to His will, things began to happen! It's so exciting to see the power if God at work all around us! I only hope that people can look at us and see that the best thing anyone can do in life is give up on your own plan and your own will, and give in to God's plan and God's will. You will see wonders that will amaze you!

God Working!

Isn't it amazing to sit back and watch God work! I have been told many times in my life that I need to just let go and sit back and let God take care of things, let Him answer my prayers. The past several weeks has been so awesome! It has been one after the other! We got the call about Jon being able to retrain (huge answer!) and then yesterday at the surgeons office we got another answer!

When the surgeon walked in and looked at my MRI he said "Well the good news is, we can fix this." I was just in utter shock! He was completely ready to operate and fix my disc, without any hesitation to my age! I was so happy I couldn't think of the questions I wanted to ask or anything! It took me several seconds to pull myself back together and realize that it was not a dream! This is real, this is what I have been hoping for! Relief from this prison of pain! After he explained everything and we asked all our questions and he left to get the nurse to schedule the surgery, I put my hands over my face and just wanted to weep. Jon looked at me and said "Don't cry! this is good!" I told him that I was so happy I just wanted to cry. I am so happy that finally someone can see that I have exhausted every option and that I need relief. I am happy that some one is willing to do something about it!

So I am scheduled to have the surgery on March the 6th, in three weeks! I have a lot to get done in three weeks! I need to make sure my husband is ready to take care of the house and cook until I am back up on my feet. I need to finish my homework and get this certification course done by then! finish making my pillow I am working on, and hopefully finish my friends pants. If they come in on time. It is going to be a crazy chaotic three weeks! But I know that my Great God is supplying my every need, and all I had to do was turn it over to Him! What an amazing couple weeks it has been just watching God work in our lives!

Vows..

Tonight my husband and I went on a date. It was our Valentines date since we will be traveling the day after Valentines. We went to dinner and saw the new movie "The Vow." I must say, it was not what I expected, but it was a touching story that could have ended better but at least it didn't end sad! the whole story is focused on a husband who is so in love with his wife that he is completely devoted to her. They have a love that is "a once in a lifetime love," until one day a car accident takes her memory and it is gone.

I could not even imagine forgetting being in love with my husband! how horrible is that! Anyway, the point I want to make is that he didn't want to quit, he was committed. He was so in love that he wanted her back. I feel like that should be how I need to look at this fight, as a vow to myself and my husband. Not a marriage vow, but a vow that I will fight till the bitter end. I will not give up. When the rain pours and the winds blow I will stand. I will stand because I know that my husband has vowed to stand with me till death do us part. He deserves for me not to quit! A vow is a pledge and should not be broken, I will not break this one.

I know I have not written much this past week, it has been a hard one for me. My back has been so bad that I have wanted to quit. I have wanted to stay in bed and just do nothing but cry. Those are the days that I remember that I have made this vow, that my husband needs me, my family needs me, my friends need me. I can not give up. So yes, I went to a Love story movie and got inspiration out of it! Who would have thunk it!?!?!

Change in the wind

Sometimes change is just what the doctor ordered. Although not everyone deals with change the same, change is still sometimes the answer to what we need. For me, Change is good and it is coming sooner than I could have imagined!

Several months ago Jon applied for retraining within the Air Force. We thought they had decided to not accept him and that his chance of retraining was gone. We prayed for months for God's will to be done and felt like that maybe it was for Jon to not retrain. But, today we got the answer that God is AWESOME God!!!!!!!! He is allowing Jon to retrain into paralegal! we are so excited that we can not find the words to express!

It is a nerve racking, exciting, heart pounding time for me right now. I know that change in on the horizon and it is coming fast, but my fears are outweighing my joys. I have to keep telling myself that God is in control, He has the bigger picture. He sees the entire plan for my life. I have no idea what will happen in the coming months, but God does and he has got our lives in his hands! He is the master potter, molding our lives into what he wants.

So change is in the winds for the Rector's... we don't know what it is, but we do know who holds us! So please be in prayer for us as we go through these couple months that We can get through them and that God guides us to where he wants us!

An energetic day!

So today I went to the doctor for follow up and the doctor decided that he would give me B12 pills, hoping that it would give me some energy. I took the pills this morning and surprisingly, they have made me feel "alive" as I would like to call it. I had so much energy at work, I was more awake! It was not a day without pain, but It was a day with energy which is good! Then I found out that I got a raise, and a small bonus at work! So all in all it was a good day! I have not had a good day in a long time!

I was told by my boss, concerning work, that it is not how you start but how you finish. That phrase has stuck with me. It's not how I have started this journey but how I am going to finish! I am going to finish strong!

The power of music

Some people say that music has no power, but I have to disagree. I believe that music has some of the most power in our lives. It has the power to affect our mood,touch our hearts, inspire us, change our minds, makes us fall in love, and so many other things. More than anything else, music has the power to speak to us spiritually. God speaks to his people in many ways and I know that music is one of the most powerful ways. Worship services at church are all about music and that is when God stirs my heart most often. Not just in church, but it can be in the car too!

Last night at church we had our fifth Sunday singing service. Every single song fit together like one giant puzzle. Even though I sang during the service, I still felt like God had me there just so I could here those songs. The songs fit together with the struggles that I am going through and how that God is my provider. He is my anchor, my light, He is the Potter. I was reminder that In Christ alone is my strength, that he makes beautiful things out of me, that His blessings come through raindrops, and I should bless his name through every single struggle I come through! Song after song I had to hold back the flood of tears that wanted to come out because God was touching me in a way that I needed more than ever. At the end of the service all I could do was say, "Thank you Lord!" because I did need that reminder that He is working, and I am not going through this alone.

Resting

Resting, something that I have always struggled with. There is such a small difference in resting and sleeping. My sleeping habits have never been consistent, well I wont say never. Just not in a long time. Here lately since my husband has been on swing shift I have been up later so I have been sleeping in late, which actually works to my advantage. My body sleeps better during the day anyway!! The point I am trying to make is that I have always struggled with finding the difference between getting the rest I need and the sleep I need.

I have come to find that the real rest is in Christ. He gives me all the rejuvenation that I need! Of course my physical body is going to still need the rest and sleep, but in order to fight this illness and beat this struggle that I am in I am going to need the rest that Christ gives me. This journey has not been what I expected and there has definitely been bumps, but I know that the trials ahead will only bring me to the future God has planned for me. That future is far better and far more than I can ever dream of because I have a great God! So hear I am Resting in HIM, following his plan and guidance for my life and this journey that I am on.

Just Breathe

Sometimes I find myself so overwhelmed with the drama and stress of work, and dealing with my health and sometimes just life in general can get so chaotic that I have to tell myself that I need to just breathe. Breathe in and breathe out, just over and over again. Sometimes it works in relaxing me and sometimes it doesn't. The last several days, well actually weeks, have been quite tough for me. I have not felt well and can't figure it out and work has been tough ( I won't even go there!) so I can say that I feel like I have been pretty much just going through the motions lately. I have almost come out of the deep whole of "almost" depression, but I still have my days where I am sad and want to quit the battle that I fight every day within. On those days I have to say to myself "Katie, Just breathe, its going to be OK. You can do this. God has got this!" No, it doesn't take away all the sadness, nor does it by any means make me feel better but it does remind me that I have a big God that is on my side!

Today was one of those "Just Breathe" days. Several times I just had to breathe in and breathe out. It didn't make the day any less sucky but it did make me calmer. and it does remind me that God has control. No matter what happens at work, no matter what happens with the doctors, or no matter what happens to me, My GOD has control. That is my new focus this year, That God has CONTROL!!! So I need to just breathe and it will be OK!

A Rainbow of Promises :)

I saw a full Rainbow today for the first time today! I was so excited, It was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen! While I was standing outside the door of my work staring at this rainbow, I thought of all God's promises and that I am going to be ok! That beautiful Rainbow was in the sky at the exact moment I needed to see it! Thank you Lord! God has promised that I am not alone, that he has a plan, that he is in control, and that no matter what happens down the road in my life that He is going to be the one that I turn to and the one that can help me! God is good All the time!!! He gives us so many promises that He will keep!